Throughout my passage, I have perpetuated my share of practical jokes. I will not enumerate them here, the simple reason being, I might want to bring one from retirement.
I have to say that most practical jokes are neither practical nor funny. With the high cost of medicine these days, I will take a merry heart every moment. Just call me Dr. Merry Heart, and I’ll distribute some fantastic medicine to everyone who needs it.
Now, the practical joke I am thinking of has to do with New Year’s Resolutions. I look forward to the last week in January for this very reason. For the first several weeks of January, I am nervous and sweating over those lousy New Year’s Resolutions I am forced to make. Pardon my French.
Somewhere there’s someone laughing at all those stupid enough to make New Year’s Resolutions. It is probably the quintessential practical joke played on all humanity. Is there a culture anywhere in our world today that does not fall for this practical joke? If there is, I would like to move there.
The first week in January is most likely the worst week in regards to these New Year’s Resolutions. They’re fresh in our mind and of course new on our lips. A New Year’s Resolution would not be so bad if nobody knew that we made one. The issue comes when somebody knows what our resolution is and always reminds us,”What is your New Year’s Resolutions coming along?”
For the majority of us, it’s a formula for lying. Needless to say, I blame my friends that are enticing me into this pattern of lying.
But during the first week, I entertain high intentions about my resolutions. And like the thought-challenged beggar that I am, I boast to everyone about the high quality settlements I have placed in force for the next year. All this in an attempt to improve my position among my peers. The majority of my peers are standing in water themselves. My purpose is to make them believe I am a progressive, forward thinking, highbrow person of the future. I cannot control what they believe, but I can help them along the thinking process concerning myself.
It is during this week that I begin to have suspicions about the legitimacy of my resolutions. The first week they seem wonderful, but the next week that the rose begins evaporating and I begin to find out what I have strapped myself with for the next year. Then, just when my confidence is beginning to shake, a friend of mine will ask,”What is your New Year’s Resolutions coming along?”
On Facebook, they have a process known as”defriending.” I must learn how that works. I have a list of friends I want to”defriend,” at least before my New Year’s Resolutions have faded into the distant past of forgetfulness.
Then the next week of January comes around. It’s at this time I start to see that my New Year’s Resolutions were made by a fool. There is no fool like the one in your bathroom mirror. By now, I find there is simply no way those resolutions will be kept by me. If I could sell my settlements on eBay, I might make out pretty good, because on paper they look terrific.
At this stage of the month, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage says to me,”How’s your New Year’s Resolutions coming along?” She always says it with a silly little smirk on her face. After all, she’s 46 decades, this coming summer, of experience with my New Year’s Resolutions.
It is the fourth week of January I’m most interested in. To go through the first three weeks of January is quite painful but by the time the last week comes around everything is forgotten.
Not only have I forgotten my resolutions, but everybody around me has forgotten them as well. At least they have given up asking me about these resolutions. I take what I get and am grateful. Some might have heard about my defriending policy.
The thing most upsetting is, I never learn my lesson. Next year it will be the very same thing, and consequently, the identical outcome.
There is something to denying the past. I believe it is interesting that the things we will need to forget are the very things we remember, and what we should remember are the ones we usually forget.
The apostle Paul understood this very thing.
The best resolution has to do with my relationship with God. And that is no practical joke.